Frustrated Because Every Conversation is Now Political? Try these Three Shifts

It's interesting how almost every conversation can suddenly turn political. You bring up the cost of groceries, and before you know it, you're discussing inflation and debating who the worst president is, instead of focusing on what you initially wanted to discuss, which was how the cost of things is affecting your finances.

Even if we want to avoid these conversations it's hard not to.

When conversations devolve into a blame game, we lose the opportunity to address what matters to us collectively. So, instead, we can shift our discussions to maintain connection and the ability to find solutions.

Here are a few proven methods you can try to help maintain connection in your conversations:

Shift #1: Listen to Understand, Without Debating

Listening to understand is often overlooked, but it's one of the most effective communication methods. When we genuinely listen to someone, it makes them feel valued and understood, which lowers their defenses. Actively listening to understand:

►         Creates an environment where the other person doesn’t need to keep sparring with us to defend themselves, which reduces conflict

►         Allows someone to feel heard and acknowledged, lowering their need to continue to repeat themselves

►         Opens up receptiveness to our thoughts and opinions

►         May even result in them reciprocating by listening to us without arguing

This one shift alone can change a conversation. Listen and let the other person know you hear them. Ask some simple questions, reflect on something you heard. And see what happens.

Shift #2: Ask Questions to Gain a Better Understanding

Harness your inner interviewer. Constructive questions can get people to share more so that we can gain a better understanding of their perspective and experience. They are questions that evoke complexity, personal experiences and stories.

Here are a few examples:

►         Why is this issue so important to you?

►         What is your biggest concern?

►         What from your experience makes you think this way?

►         How has this issue affected you personally?

►         What person or experience has shaped your views on this issue?

Of course, you can't dictate what the other person will do in a conversation, but you can weave deeper questions into your conversation. For example, if someone is discussing policy decisions, you can ask about personal impacts and their concerns instead of focusing on the decision-makers.

Shift #3: Understand Their Story & Share Your Own

Stories help connect people and deepen our understanding of how and why people see an issue the way they do. A story can help bridge the gap that often surfaces with a focus only on facts. According to research, "personal experiences bridge moral and political divides better than facts."

►         Regardless of the issue, each person often has a story that influences their beliefs and worldview

►         The story might be about a personal experience or people that have influenced them

►         The story does not need to be a firsthand experience of the specific issue; you can share something that someone you know has experienced

Discover their personal stories and share some of your own before throwing out a statistic of fact. Your story will have far more impact and you will sound more reasonable. This doesn't mean you can't discuss factual information, but different people bring different perspectives to the same problem so it helps to explore those first.

Will these solve all your conversational woes? Probably, not, but if they can make these conversations even a little more productive or help us maintain our relationship, that's a win.

What's one you thing you might consider trying to create a better conversation next time your conversation turns political?